Well... I liked it. XD Obviously.
I usually stay away from fanfiction unless I know the person. Fanfiction is just... there are a few good ones, but for the most part it's full of angsty stories that warp the characters beyond recognition. XD So I try to stay away from it. But yours wasn't bad.
Not bad at all. It's actually not too dissimilar to a comic I got planned. Not too long, but yeah.